ASHENVAIL

 The night of short bliss was shortly lived.. We had a great night with each one of us.. We party all night long and we had fun!! A lot…  I don’t know what to write in here!!!! whatever!!!  

I made it through the day, though i’m so sleepy head and not so alive today. But still i made it through!! I skipped lunch break, i ate 2 pieces of bread in the morning and i ate my supper around 7:30pm… I don’t feel any hunger down there on my stomach.. Compared to a guitar i am out of tuned.. and what’s WORSE Deadlines are set on their respective dates and we could hardly make it.. But at least, we’ll try to keep on it and finish it before the said dates….

               This day turned out to be so long and tiring… And i didn’t even get the chance to talk to this person i am needing to talk to…. My mother texted me as i was heading home, asking if i’d be having my dinner at home… i’m not hungry… it’s all i know and a tear fell down my cheek followed by a rough cough… i wasn’t able to compose any reply message.. i just went home straight and greeted my mother… she noticed that i’m not in a good mood…  hope i could tell her everything that i am feeling…..

   FROM MY SELF TO MY SOUL……

For days, i can feel my body change. i’d wake up feeling the pain on my chest and could hardly breath in the morning. it’s been a month since i had my cough and still it gets worse and worse everyday. I could not eat. I don’t feel the need. Seems like i have lost my appetite. On the first place, i thought i was so strong that i could move any mountain in front of me and that i could touch anyone’s life. But now, it made me think of all the good things i have caused to anyone; to everyone. Am i really a good example to them in the hours that i spent on this earth. Because We never knew what’s up ahead or what’s there ahead, we must be ready. I have decided to change the way i am. For i am feeling that i may not stay in this world for long. so i want to touch everyone’s life with love. With all the things i have accomplished, i’m happpy enough for me to smile and reflect. I had a good life. Wonderful life. from my family, to my friends and ends with God. I’m so blessed to have them all. And to my mother, you may not read this…….. But i just wanted to say that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH…. I tried and keep trying everyday not to cause you any kind of pain. I never wanna see you cry. So keep smiling, it makes you beautiful… . to my brothers, lance and jared, i may not say it, but i love the two of you both… and i’m looking forward that you look after of our baby sister heart graciela.. I cherish and treasure all of you.. And to my loving father, I may not show it and you may not know it, you are my example. I have always tried immitating you, the way you act and the way you think. the way you look at the things around you.. in times that i have failed you and i caused your heart to break…. MY HEART IS ALSO RUINED seeing you that way. so i wanted to say sorry for all the times  have done it.. I may not be the perfect son, but deep in my heart i’ve tried to be!!!!!!!! i may not be the best….. but i can assure you…. I’ll be strong as long as i live. Though i may not know for how long.. but the rest of my hours will be yours. and i’ll be happy someday. somehow, i’ll smile back. and when i’m gone…….. rejoice.. be happy… don’t mourn… BECAUSE I DID IT FOR SOME TIMES, TO BE YOUR SUPERMAN, BUT FOR NOW…… I’M SUPERMAN!!!!! no more =( goodbye…

in this night i saw my muse
but, at first i’m confused
she came to me ‘cause i’m in blue
she embraced me, ‘cause she loves me too

when i’m in grief i always call her;
and if i call, she always seems to care
in my feelings she can always bare
even she just came to stare

when death comes, i won’t be bothered
‘cause when i do live, i only feel like i’m smothered
i can’t just cry even i should
but even if my tears fall, i know it’s no good

as i wake up and see the deceitful sunrise
i thought hope, but it only blinded my eyes
not knowing i’d already lost the flight
it’d be better, if i’d face the night

‎’cause in the night my muse saves me
despite the pain, i still love thee
and in this hate you’re the key
only in you, i can be free

                                 ———-iSAWher(OCTOBER24,2010)